i won’t let you go

I wrote the base instrumental to this song in September 2019. This was originally going to be a cover of a song that meant a lot to me. I then sent it to one of my best friends nshvll who added the pretty guitars and piano you hear in it, and I instantly fell in love with it.

The original idea of the song stemmed from the fact that around the time of making it, I had lost trust and faith in someone I held close to me. I didn’t realise how much emotional damage they had been causing until I finally cut ties, which probably saved my life.

There was a lot of manipulation and gaslighting, and it altered my perception of myself and how I thought other people perceived me. I couldn’t function or think properly, and its effects lingered on into new relationships despite them being gone. Indirectly, they made me isolate myself from everyone and kept me alone to themselves. I couldn’t confide in anyone and was constantly living in fear of them.

This song highlights how even in the absence of something or someone that has had such a negative impact on your life, their effects and the scars left behind can still manifest in your life.

Thankfully, through a lot of therapy and support from my loving friends, I can say I’m in a much happier and better place.

lyrics

[Verse 1]
I didn’t wanna tell you how I felt
Out of fear of losing you
I’m sorry this is what I’m like
Still got memories left behind

[Verse 2]
Now things are dull and bitter cold
Still sat here staring at my phone
And nothing feels as good alone

[Verse 3]
I know I didn’t tell you how I felt
But I couldn’t let you go
Remember back when I saw you that day
I couldn’t look away

[Verse 4]
Now things are dull and bitter cold
Still sat here staring at my phone
And nothing feels as good alone

[Chorus]
It would be a lie if I told you
I wish you’d never come through
I’m tired of being a ghost
I won’t let go