when will i be as good as them?

This song began in September 2020 and was inspired by my duo CODENAME:NIOCELL’s song ‘ARRIVAL999’.

when will i be as good as them? describes the anxiety of being treated the same as everyone who came before you, despite being told you are not. The song describes how the anxieties can manifest and cause paranoia, making one convince themselves that everything positive about them has been said before to someone else who turned out to be a negative figure.

I’ve learned from when will i be as good as them? that although history may repeat itself, there is a reason that the preceding figure is no longer in their life, but you still are.

lyrics

[Verse 1]
The fear is always consuming me
I can never be what you expect of me

[Verse 2]
What do I do?
What am I to you?

[Chorus]
You say they’re gone now
They mean no more
You say you don’t talk anymore

You say I’m better
Yet it feels like
You’ll never let go or say goodbye

[Post-chorus]
What do I do?
What am I to you?

[Verse 2]
You compared me to what they had done
Telling me I wasn’t enough
You feed the memories into my mind
You make me hate this pitiful life

[Pre-drop]
All I want to know
Is why you treat me so
I gave you my all
I know it isn’t enough